Psychology of a parent when she was told not to do

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 “Wold you go and buy some milk “? My mother stormed into my room while I was having an online job interview.

The day before the interview, I informed my parents about my schedule, and asked them to be quiet from 13:00 on.

Apparently, my mother needed fight an urge to interfere. She said she knew I will be having something from 13:00. By the clock struck 13:00, she could not help but walking up to my door and say something – and she did.

It was an embarrassing experience, but it continued. My friends, who are expert on working from home, suggested to put a notice on my door while I am busy.

I told my parents that I will put a notice on my door when I am having an online interview. However, my mother said she can’t be sure if she can keep quiet. “More I am told not to do, I get temptation to break the rule”.

What a childish opinion. Later I learned that there is psychological theory called “Psychological Reactance”, the tendency for people to react negatively when they feel someone or something is taking away their choice, or their ability to seek out more alternative solutions. This explains my mother’s behaviour very well. More she was told not to do, more she wants to break the rule and do otherwise. It is understandable if it is coming from little child or younger generation, but why is it coming from someone already very mature?

The solution came from an unexpected direction. When I told her that I have told my friends what she did on SNS, my mother suddenly noticed what was wrong, and became ashamed. For my mother, public embarrassment was definitely a key solution.




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